


A Sliver of Hope

by Jazz_2_chess



Series: Try, try again! [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Fallen Angel Castiel (Supernatural), First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Monster of the Week, Newly Human Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Dean Winchester, Sam Ships It, Supportive Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-09 01:26:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17397443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazz_2_chess/pseuds/Jazz_2_chess
Summary: The usual Monster of the Week, the usual hunt. Cas is newly human and Dean is protective- maybe too much?





	A Sliver of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a series but can easily be read as a stand-alone.

Dean had his arms around Cas’ middle, nearly carrying him to the door of the bunker. Cas had shivered the whole way home, if from the cold or from the shock, Dean was not sure. Once Cas was firmly seated on the couch, Dean retreated into the kitchen, Sam hot on his heels.

Sam hissed “What are we supposed to do now?“

Dean just shook his head, at a loss for words. He wasn’t shocked by the way things had turned out, there had always been the possibility of Cas falling for good but now that it had happened, Dean didn’t know how to handle it.

“I don’t know, Sammy.” he admitted through clenched teeth.

“He’ll need a room.” Sam said “and clothes and we have to teach him how to hunt and-“

“NO!” Dean snapped, startling Sam who stared at him with wide eyes, then gestured at him to keep his voice down.

“No, Cas is not going hunting.” Dean continued quietly.

“Why not? He’s gonna die of boredom here. And he’ll want to help.”

“I don’t give a fuck if he’s bored or not, he will not leave this bunker to go hunting, Sam. And that’s final.” he crossed his arms in front of his chest, the pose conveying authority.

“I would like to hunt with you.” came a soft voice just behind him. He whirled around, eyes hard.

“No, Cas. That’s not an option.”

“I do not think that is your decision to make, Dean.” Cas answered, looking apologetical but firm nonetheless.

“W-wha?” Dean gaped while he saw Sam grin from ear to ear. “Shut your mouth Samantha! This is between me an’ Cas!”

Sam wisely didn’t comment and instead left the kitchen.

“Why do you not want me to hunt with you, Dean?” Cas asked softly and Dean could detect the faint sense of hurt from the other.

“Cas- it’s not- I don’t- look: it’s just, you don’t have your mojo anymore, what if you get hurt?” Dean said, exasperated already and so desperate for Cas to understand that if he got hurt, Dean’s world would fall apart. “I can’t have you die because you don’t know what to do.”

“Then teach me, Dean.” Cas said. And whoah did that sentence make Dean tingly all over. The prospect of teaching Cas was a- a- a _bad_ idea!

“No, Cas you shouldn’t- let’s wait for a bit ‘kay? Just till you- you know…” he gestured up and down Cas’ body. Cas raised an eyebrow but nodded.

“Maybe you are correct. I do not know how to use this vess- body,” he corrected when Dean scowled. “But I must insist on helping you on your cases. And I wish for you to help me ‘get used’ to being human.” he said, air quotes around the “get used” part which made Dean smile fondly- _not fondly, damn it_ \- he was just happy Cas wasn’t taking this too badly. He agreed without thinking it through and finally got Cas to lie down on the couch to rest for a bit.

When he woke up from his nap, Dean nearly made him fall over when he pulled him towards the showers.

“Take this,” he shoved the soap in his hands “and this” and the towel “and don’t call until you’re done!” he swiftly left the room, face red and eyes averted when he heard Cas’ trench-coat hit the ground.

Cas hadn’t had protested and now seemed to happily take a shower. At least, he wouldn’t have to be present for that. When he heard the angel call out for him, he was relieved to see he had the towel slung around his waist. Thank Chuck, he was spared the image of a completely naked Cas.

Well, not that he was covered up now. The towel clung to his waist tightly but sat dangerously low and Cas had obviously not used it to dry himself since there were droplets of water running down his chest and dipping below- Dean’s eyes snapped up fast, embarrassment heating his cheeks. For the moment, he was glad the room was heated so Cas wouldn’t recognise his blush for what it was. Not that he blushed because of Cas- it was just ‘cause he had never seen him without the dress shirt and slacks. When he realised they were both just staring at each other, he cleared his throat and looked away hastily.

“Dean, do you- is there…” Cas trailed off and Dean nearly spluttered at hearing Cas flustered.

“Should I put the trench-coat back on?” he asked, face suspiciously red.

“Uh…”oh well, make sure you look like an idiot in front of Cas. Dean huffed, then realised what Cas had asked.

He barked “NO!” because who knew for how long Cas had been in those same old clothes, softer he continued “No, we’ll just- you…” he grabbed Cas by the hand and made him follow until they reached his own room in the bunker.

“Let’s see if any of those fit you.” he said, decision made before he could think about Cas wearing his clothes too long.

“You want me to wear your clothes, Dean?” Cas asked tentatively.

“Uh- yes? There a problem?” Dean shot back, a sudden pit in his stomach. Maybe Cas didn’t want-

“That is very kind of you, Dean. Thank you.” the sickening feeling disappeared as fast as it had arrived.

“Alright. Then come on, pick somethin’ buddy.” Dean gestured towards his drawer with the shirts in it. Cas looked a bit lost and didn’t move to pick something out.

“You okay there?”

Cas shook his head, then said “Maybe it would be best for you to hand me something appropriate?” the prospect of being allowed to choose Cas’ wardrobe was appealing, even though Cas probably didn’t understand the implication.

“Sure, huh- let’s go with some blue” he grabbed two of the flannels, because there was no way he would not pick out a flannel for Cas to wear. He was- well not a hunter but… “and some black- can always use black…” when he felt Cas had all the basics he grabbed some of his boxers and threw them at Cas without further explanation, not wanting to discuss sharing underwear. Cas had accepted everything gracefully and had changed while Dean had waited in front of the door for him.

The door opened and revealed something that had Dean’s jaw fall to the floor. Cas looked- well, he looked like home. It threw Dean for minute, how much Cas fitted in here, in his bedroom, in his clothes. “Is it acceptable?” Cas asked, shy and definitely unsure as if Dean’s verdict held an uncountable weight.

“Yeah, uh- looking good, Cas.” Dean replied, scratching the backside of his head.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean decided to pull out the pans and cook a decent dinner. When Sam asked what the occasion was, he just shrugged and said he was sick of gas-station food.

The truth- that he wanted Cas to for once enjoy what he was eating- he kept to himself.

The lasagna turned out to be on this side of awesome and Sam even complimented him on the rabbit food he had grudgingly prepared. His highlight had to have been the look of utter delight on Cas’ face when he had taken his first bite of the lasagna.

“This is truly delicious, Dean.” Cas had said and something warm had flooded through Dean that made him want to keep Cas smiling like that for as long as he could. After dinner, Cas offered to help Dean with the dishes which Dean accepted gladly. It just was more fun if he didn’t have to do it alone. Cas turned out to be quite happy with spending time with Dean and Dean couldn’t complain either. When they were done, Dean considered for a moment, then asked somewhat sheepishly if Cas would want to watch a movie with him

“Not like with-with me but like as friends- I mean, I would watch anyway- so if you wanna join or something-“ he had felt the need to clarify then had stalked to the TV to put in one of his favourite movies. Tombstone.

Cas had lingered in the doorway, then had joined him on the couch. “Thank you, Dean. I would like to watch this movie with you as a friend.” he had smiled when he had said it.

About fifteen minutes in, Sam had joined them, feet on Dean’s knees and head somewhere down the far end. Freaking Moose. Even though Dean wouldn’t admit it but he secretly enjoyed having his two favourite people with him while watching a movie. It gave him a feeling of home, of normality and he craved that. One movie had turned into three and Sam had fallen asleep somewhere in the middle. Cas on the other hand had been concentrated the whole time through as if to soak up as much as possible.

When the last one ended, Dean got up to go to bed and stopped in the door when he didn’t hear Cas move.

“Gonna go to sleep now, Cas you okay?” something was wrong, the angel fidgeted on the couch, looking more agitated then he had for a while around Dean.

“What is it? Spit it out, Cas.” Dean was in no mood to play three guesses now.

“Is there a blanket you could spare?” Cas mumbled and Dean had to do a double take on that. A blanket? What would he need a blanket for?

“To sleep, it is a bit chilly in here.” Cas said and Dean’s stomach dropped. _Fuck_. He was such an idiot.

“Cas, I’m sorry. There’s a room- your room- I was supposed to show you, I completely forgot-“ He gestured for Cas to follow him. The room was two doors down from Dean’s own, he wanted to have the angel near in case of- well, in case of emergency.

“That’s you- I mean- that’s your room.” Dean said, his ears burning. He opened the door to show Cas a room similar to his own, with a bed and blankets and pillows. The look on Cas’ face brought back the warmth from earlier.

“I know it’s not much but…” he stopped when Cas suddenly threw his arms around him and squeezed.

“Thank you, Dean.” he whispered then let go before Dean could say anything else.

“Have a good night, Dean.” Cas said, then closed the door behind him. Dean stood outside and for some reason couldn’t stop smiling. He wandered downstairs to wake up Sammy so he wouldn’t bitch about a sore neck in the morning, then laid down to get some shut-eye himself. Cas’ presence so close to him felt reassuring.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean walked down the stairs of the bunker with his eyes only half opened and a hand around his midsection to keep close the Dead-Guy-Robe hanging loosely from his shoulders. When he reached the table, he found his coffee mug already sitting there, staring up at him with puffs of steam coming out of it. He fell down on a chair and took a sip and only when he sat it back down did he notice a pair of startlingly blue eyes staring at him from the opposite end of the table.

“Mornin’, sunshine,” he grumbled, voice sleep ruffled and brain still not online. But Cas only smiled cryptically and didn’t say a word.

It developed from there. Everyday Dean would come down in the morning, a steaming mug would wait for him with Cas already sitting there. And while that didn’t exactly make him happy, it also didn’t make him mad anymore. Instead, he grew to like Cas’ quiet company and the taste of strong coffee on his lips before he had to do any talking.

 

* * *

 

 

Meanwhile, life in the bunker slowly developed into something almost comfortable, apart from the more or less regular heavenly demand or hellish attack. It happened on a Wednesday of all days, when Dean came down the staircase to not only a mug of coffee but also a plate full of funnilyshaped pancakes. He could make out a square and a triangle fairly easy but the other ones… he had no idea.

“Hello, Dean!” came the deep baritone from behind him, definitely closer than he anticipated. He could nearly feel Cas’ chest vibrate against his back. Dean barely contained a shiver. He didn’t want to think too closely about why Cas’ voice triggered this reaction whenever he stood that close to him.

“Heya Cas, what ya’ doin’ up this early?” which- yeah, considering that he had been up this early every freakin’ day for the last three months the question sounded dumb even to Dean’s ears.

“I have been under the impression you would respond favourably to a homecooked breakfast, so I took it upon myself to create some pancakes for you.” Cas stated with a tilt of the head that was by no means adorable. Dean huffed but couldn’t keep the smile from showing on his face.

“Thanks buddy. How’d they go? All tasty?” he asked while digging into the one on the top of his plate and shovel it into his mouth.

“I-…” Dean noticed Cas trail off awkwardly and looked up, confused.

“What’s goin’ on with you Cas? Didn’t like your own pancakes? I mean- they taste great, why’d you not like ‘em?” There was a definite rush of colour to Cas’ cheeks when he scratched the back of his head in a nervous gesture he must have picked up from being around the Winchesters for too long. A feeling of unease settled in Dean’s stomach. If there was something Cas was nervous about, it couldn’t be good. Maybe the pancakes were poisoned or bewitched or…

“I did not try them Dean, since I prepared them specifically for you.”

Oh. Oh well. The unease didn’t fade but turned into something more of a flutter which Dean neither could nor wanted to decipher.

“How ‘bout you try ‘em now Cas? Can’t eat all of those on my own. Have to watch my-“ Crap. He didn’t really remember what Sammy always nagged him about watching. “The- ya’ know…” Chuck, this was humiliating- he just wanted Cas to eat some of his own damn pancakes. How hard can it be?

“Thank you, Dean. I will try some from your plate if that is alright with you?” Cas asked and leaned forward into Dean’s space to take the fork- which still dangled uselessly in Dean’s hand- and picked up a piece of the square-shaped pancake. When he put it into his mouth and swallowed, a look of utter delight crossed his otherwise stony features.

“Looks like they’re your cup ‘a tea Cas.” Dean smirked, enjoying the way the angel seemed fascinated by the taste.

“I do not understand that reference Dean. I did not consume any tea.” Dean threw his head back in a full body laugh. Meanwhile, Cas didn’t seem fazed by it and instead kept stealing the pancakes from Dean’s plate.

He continued while chewing: “Surprisingly, it does not taste like molecules, even though I can detect a faint metallic undertone, presumably from the pan.” Cas smiled happily after taking another bite. 

 

* * *

 

 

Another week down the drain saw Team Free Will on a hunting trip across the country with Cas in the back and Sam riding shotgun as per usual. Even though Sam had made a snide remark or two about Dean checking his rear-view mirror more so than usual, the road trip was on this side of awesome. Sadly, his good mood didn’t stick for too long. They reached the motel Dean had chosen at nine in the evening and went right to the check-in.

The boy at the front desk insisted on them being completely booked out, except for a room with two beds only. And while that wouldn’t have been a problem up until three months ago, now they had a fallen angel on their hands who slept like a log whenever he put his head down. They opened the door to their room and Dean immediately let out a groan at the sight that greeted him. The beds were not even small- they were fudging tiny and there was no way on earth either of them would get any sleep while crammed onto the mattress.

“I’ll take the one by the window- you guys can…” but Sam trailed off when he saw Dean’s bitchface #2 glaring up at him.

“Or not. Hey Cas, wanna bunk with me? I’m sure there’s space.” he offered instead and aimed a smile at Cas who in turned looked confused as always.

Dean did a double take on that. For some reason, the prospect of his baby brother sharing a bed with his- with Cas- did things to Dean that he didn’t like all that much. Before he could question the wisdom of his next move, his brain had already decided for him: There would be no bunking of any kind. Not between those two. Cas was his angel for heaven’s sake, he was the one with that profound-bond shit.

This was not happening.

“Cas ’s gonna bunk with me Sammy!” he snapped and promptly turned around to unpack his bag. Definitely not to hide his flaming face from the others. Shut up! Because of that, he completely missed the shit-eating-grin on his brother’s face and the happy smile on Cas’.

After they each took a shower- without hogging all the warm water, Dean!- they were ready for bed. And Dean had known even before that his rash decision would come back to bite him in the ass. Now he was confronted with a tiny bed, one blanket, one pillow and a fidgety ex-angel staring at him with wide eyes.

“Uh- let’s just…” he didn’t finish the sentence, having no idea where he had been going with it anyway.

“Night,” Sam blurted from the window and Dean rolled his eyes at the obvious amusement in his brother’s voice. Neither of them moved. After several minutes of awkward silence, Dean huffed and let himself drop down onto the bed, scooting as close to the edge as he could without falling.

“What’re you waitin’ for Cas? Get in!” He saw Cas flinch at the tone but didn’t have it in him to apologise. His nerves were getting the better of him already. The bed dipped on his side and he couldn’t suppress the manly squeak he let out when Cas’ arm brushed up against him. He felt warm all over. Cas on the other hand, didn’t seem to mind at all and started getting comfortable without moving too much.

“Good night, Dean.” he mumbled. His head hit the pillow and he was out instantly.

Meanwhile, Dean had no such luck. He lay awake, his heart racing and his thoughts in a tight knot. He had never been one for cuddles or sharing his bed with anyone, especially not a dude- apart from Sammy of course- but with Cas, it somehow didn’t feel wrong. With Cas, he almost felt safe enough to actually get some shut-eye without having to worry about him not being there in the morning- or killing him in his sleep- debatable which would be worse. Dean absolutely did not dream of Cas cuddling up to him.

He did not.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Dean was in an even worse mood than the night before. He had slept in for once and still hadn’t gotten any rest. The dreams he forced himself to forget, had made him anxious to get out of bed and away from Cas as fast as possible.

After brushing his teeth and avoiding looking at the angel while getting dressed they all went down to breakfast. Dean had to witness Cas suck a glob of maple syrup off his fingers while making a noise that made Dean itch for something to stuff into Cas’ mouth.

“Can you stop that!” he snapped at Cas. The angel looked at him with confusion and something close to hurt in his eyes that made Dean feel like crap.

“Just- man I’m tired and you’re- can you just not?” he huffed, exasperated already while Sam kept grinning at him like he was watching his favourite TV-show.

“What’re you looking at?” Sam though didn’t even deem that worth an answer and just rolled his eyes, then turned to Cas to discuss the difference between honey and maple syrup on pancakes.

 

* * *

 

 

Back in the motel room the trio leaned over a map of the town. There had been three killings this far but everything pointed toward there being a fourth one on the way. Sam speculated on a werewolf while Dean had his bets out on a demon. Cas on the other hand didn’t really have an opinion on it or simply didn’t want to choose a side between the brothers.

While the victims had been brutally slaughtered on a full moon Dean still didn’t want to settle on an idea they didn’t have any proof of. Sam then expressed interest to see the morgue to examine the bodies while Cas wanted to talk to the families to determine similarities between the victims.

“You coming, Dean?” Sam shot over his shoulder while he stepped out in the hallway. Cas, however, remained seated at the table and looked at the information the internet had provided about the families he was about to meet.

There were two conflicting voices in Dean’s head. He didn’t like letting Sam go out on his own- Chuck knows what could happen to that kid with a psychopathic murder on the loose- be it werewolf or demon. But hunting with Cas? Cas who was newly human and on his first hunting trip? Letting Cas go on alone? That just didn’t sit right with him. What if he got hurt? What if he got himself killed? Again? Dean couldn’t- he couldn’t go through this again. If Cas died, Dean would-

“ _Dean_.” Sam’s annoyed voice stopped his inner turmoil.

“No, Sammy I’ll- uh- I’ll go with Cas. Guy needs a- you know- someone to…” he gestured uselessly in the air but Sam seemed to catch on pretty fast without needing actual words.

“Alright, see you guys later.” he waved towards Cas and smiled a little too knowingly at Dean.

“That is very considerate of you, Dean.” Cas deep baritone rumbled beside him. Dean hadn’t even seen him get up. And for a short moment Dean had forgotten Cas didn’t have his wings anymore because he had moved so fast.

“Yeah, don’t want you gettin’ killed. Have to look out for you now too.” he pressed out and took a step back to put some distance between them.

“Of course, Dean.” Cas said and Dean couldn’t help but sigh a breath of relief when Cas didn’t argue with being assigned a babysitter. He grabbed the keys to the Impala and moved towards the door only to be stopped by Cas’ hand on his arm. He squirmed slightly at the sudden skin to skin contact but shrugged his shoulder to cover it. Cas’ touch burned through him and he felt the mark on his arm flare up. He took a sharp breath, then finally found the courage to look up at Cas only to find him already staring.

“What?” he said, his voice barley above a whisper.

“Thank you, Dean.” Dean’s stomach did a funny flip at the words. He didn’t know what Cas was thanking him for but he couldn’t find it in him to ask Cas to elaborate. He let him move away without any explanation.

 

* * *

 

 

“Mrs. Humphrey, can you tell us exactly where your husband went the evening he was murdered?” Dean asked, badge at the ready and sweating horribly in the monkey-suit he had borrowed from Sam. He had given his own to Cas since the guy didn’t seem to have anything in his closet beside the fucking trench-coat. Maybe they should stop by somewhere to pick up some clothes for Cas. Huh- maybe a leather ja- _Nope_.

Nope, he would not imagine Cas in a leather jacket. Not happening.

While he fought to keep the image from popping up again, Mrs. what’s-her-name had had already restated everything Sammy had written down for him. Confirmation checked, they headed back to the car.

“Dean, I do not like to go against your brother since he is mostly right in his observations, this time however I feel like he might be wrong.” Cas said softly from beside him as if he was scared Dean would flip out on him commenting on Sam’s mistake.

“Yeah, thought so too.” Dean agreed readily, having already said it the evening before.

“I might even be inclined to admit your theory has also crossed my mind.” Cas admitted, ears turning red for some reason. Dean felt a rush of pride at the words. Sam had always been the smarter one and for an ex-angel to consider his theory was an accomplishment of sorts.

“Huh, yeah so…” he trailed off awkwardly, like he did nowadays whenever Cas was concerned.

 

* * *

 

 

When they drove by a store advertising buy-two-get-one-free deals on jeans, Dean turned to Cas and said “Listen buddy, this clothes-sharing is good an’ all but how ‘bout we get you some real stuff huh?”

Out of the corners of his eyes he saw Cas looking at him strangely. But Cas looked like that a lot of the time so he didn’t dwell on it for too long and instead parked Baby somewhere in the parking lot.

“Come on, let’s find you some decent jeans.” While in the store, Dean led the way and picked out items he thought would look good on- no, he thought would fit- _damn it!_ He picked out items Dean thought made up the basic wardrobe of a hunter.

“Try these on, they should be your size- hey Cas, you more a boxers or briefs kinda guy-“ he yelled to where Cas was debating between the red and green plaid. Dean thought by himself that maybe he should find Cas something blue to match those eyes. When Cas simply shrugged his shoulders at his question, he took both packages and grabbed a pack of black t-shirts from a near table.

“Come on, let’s see what you’ve got.” Dean said and directed Cas towards the fitting room. He let himself fall heavily into the chair in front of the curtain. Shopping was exhausting.

“Dean- I do not think I ought to wear trousers that tight. Is this truly necessary?” Cas said and Dean could just imagine his brows knitting together in confusion.

“Lemme see.” He yelled back, amusement lacing his voice. The smirk dropped from his face however when Cas ripped the curtain away and stepped out in what Dean would have described as the tightest pair of trousers he had ever seen. They left nothing to the imagination and Dean had to force his eyes upwards. Why he had an issue with the tightness of Cas’ jeans was not up for discussion.

“N-no, Cas. You can’t- you can’t wear these.” he gulped, suddenly quite hot in his jacket.

“Yes, I have come to the same conclusion, thank you for confirming it.” Cas huffed, obviously so annoyed that Dean detected a hint of sarcasm.

Meanwhile, Dean’s thoughts raced from Cas in these sinfully tight jeans to Cas without any jeans whatsoever. Just as he realised what was on his mind, he felt his stomach sink. He wasn’t supposed to- he shouldn’t think like that. Cas is a  _dude_ for fuck’s sake. There was nothing appealing about him, whether he wore the jeans or not. The feeling didn’t seem to stop and Dean got up from his chair immediately. The sudden need to go outside hit him hard in the gut.

“C-cas I need a minute, ‘kay? You good without me for a sec?” he said, praying that Cas didn’t pick up on how strangled he sounded.

However when Cas peaked his head out from the curtain and asked “Are you alright Dean?” Dean nearly rolled his eyes. Well, damn it all to hell.

“Yeah, just a little hot in here. Be right back.” he forced out.

When he stepped outside and the cold air hit him he could breathe freely again.

 

* * *

 

 

Cas ended up buying some flannel in blue, the t-shirts and jeans in blue and black. He seemed pretty happy with what they picked out. When they reached the motel, Sam was already back from the morgue and looked at Dean with a raised eyebrow that made Dean want to step right back outside the door.

“What?” he snapped. Sam just shrugged and didn’t say anything. Cas, oblivious to the tension in the room, nearly broke the coffee mug on the desk when he emptied the bag in his hands on it.

“Look, Sam.” he said, smiling like a toddler who just got ice cream.

“What’s all that, Cas?” Sam asked, a smirk in place, that annoyed Dean to no ends.

“Bought Cas something to wear. S’not like he can run around in my shirts forever.” Dean grumbled. He didn’t see Cas’ smile drop but Sam did.

“Cas, why don’t you show me what you guys picked out?” He said, overly enthusiastic and nodded at Cas who proceeded to tell him that Dean had insisted on blue flannel instead of red because it would “suit him better”- air quotes and all. Sam couldn’t stop the snickerfrom escaping when he imagined Dean arguing with Cas over coloured flannel.

“So, you like your new stuff?” he noticed how Cas beamed at Dean when he asked.

“Yes, your brother was very kind to purchase them for me.” Cas said.

Then, suddenly the smile turned into a frown “I do not know how to repay you, Dean.”

Before Dean had the time to shrug it off, Sam chimed in to say “Oh, I think Dean already knows a way, don’t you?”

Dean whirled around, a scowl on his face and Sam instantly knew he had overstepped.

“Shut your mouth Sam!” he roared “The dude needed clothes! It’s not like I’ve got twenty jeans to spare! Or am I supposed to just share my clothes with him forever?” When the words left his mouth, he saw Cas flinch. He immediately felt guilty, it hadn’t been his intention to upset his friend.

“I am sorry if sharing your wardrobe has been a bother to you, Dean. I could have simply used my trench-“ if he was about to suggest wearing that damn thing again, Dean would punch something.

“No! Cas, that’s not what I meant!” he backpaddled. Even though Sam’s eyebrow stared at him in that judging way he would do anything to erase that upset look on Cas’ face. He had been so happy about the clothes and now Dean had ruined it.

While Dean scrambled for something else to say, for something that could explain why he had been so quick to lash out, Sam stood up and said “Well, guys I’m starving so I’ll get dinner. See ya’.”

He was out of the door before either one of them could move.

 

* * *

 

 

“Why did you offer to buy me clothes, Dean?” Cas asked and Dean nearly scrambled to his feet when he heard how small he sounded. “I can understand you do not wish to share your personal items, Dean. Why did you not simply tell me you were uncomfortable?” Cas rambled on and Dean sank down on the bed beside him to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He had to rectify this and fast.

“No, Cas that’s not what- how did you even- it wasn’t that I was uncomfortable…” he stuttered, unable to explain what had been his intention without hurting Cas. He took a deep breath.

“Listen, Cas- when I saw you in that suit and it was so obvious it didn’t fit you and I- I guess I just wanted you to have something of your own- you know? To put in that empty drawer of yours…” he scratched his head, suddenly not sure on how much to reveal. He couldn’t look at Cas when he murmured softly “So you’d feel more at home at the bunker.”

Cas didn’t say anything. Cas wasn’t saying anything! _Fuck_. No- no- no. He had ruined it, hadn’t he? Cas didn’t wanna stay at the bunker- and why would he even want to? He’d move- it was just temporary- he’d wanna live somewhere else- leave, he was gonna leave because Dean was overbearing and, and- firm hands gripped his shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug. The rambling voice in his head stopped immediately when he heard Cas snuffle quietly into his ear.

“Thank you, Dean. I cannot tell you how much this means to me.” Dean squeezed the ex-angel and held him closer.

“Not a problem, Cas.” he said, voice rough and cheeks heating at the intimacy. When Cas sat back he smiled that gummy smile of his and Dean felt something flutter in his stomach.

“So, you did not buy me clothes because you felt uncomfortable with me wearing your clothes, then?” Cas asked tentatively and Dean thought he looked slightly flustered.

“No, I-I don’t really uh- mind.” he admitted sheepishly. Cas opened his mouth to say something but Dean shot up from the bed and marched into the bathroom, mumbling “shower” and shut the door swiftly behind him.

 

* * *

 

 

When Sam finally returned with burgers for Dean, a salad for himself and a bit of both for Cas the argument had long been solved, followed up by Dean’s manly meltdown in the bathroom. Dean was faced with another obstacle once Cas bit into the burger and made the most sinful moaning sound at the taste.

“I really do love burgers, they somehow arrange the molecules in a favourable way.” Cas mumbled around the meat, a content smile on his face. Sam wisely chose not to comment on Dean’s sudden flush and resumed eating his rabbit food. After dinner, Sam launched into a recap of his day and was visibly disappointed when Dean couldn’t contribute anything new. Dean refused to admit to having been distracted by Cas and had enjoyed them spending time together when it was not life or death.

“There weren’t any specific marks on the victims’ bodies but they were completely ripped apart, one had a missing arm, the other two were only a torso with not so firmly attached limbs. I don’t know how a wolf could have done that.” Sammy concluded, reluctant to admit he had been wrong in his thesis.

“And while I don’t want to completely ignore the demon theory, I think we should extend the range of directions we’re looking at. Something just doesn’t hold up.” Sam said, the pensive shoulders were back and Dean knew the next word out of his mouth to be “research”.

Cas chimed in halfway through the night “Maybe we are not looking at this from the correct angle.” And while Dean had no idea what was going through his head, Sam seemed suddenly excited.

“What if the wounds are not expressive of a certain trait but rather a way to conceal the true identity of the murderer?” Cas stated.

“Yeah, like a wolf usually goes for the heart but leaves the limbs attached.” Sam already opened one of the heavy books on the desk while Cas leaned back to think.

“Can’t be too out of it then…” Dean muttered, unaware he had said it out loud. Cas however noticed and leaned closer.

“Yes, Dean, that is a focal point.” Dean’s ears burned at the praise.

“Okay guys, so if it’s not a wolf and nothing else like that, then what are we down to?” Sam seemed at a dead end and Cas looked a little hopeless when suddenly Dean had an idea.

“Hell, it’s a ghoul-pire!” He said. When Sam just raised his eyebrows and even Cas didn’t understand, Dean tried again “You know? These things that- Cas, you read about them- I don’t know what you called them but- the one with- huh- you know? The one with the fangs and the head?”

Cas eyes lit up at once and Dean saw understanding dawning. “Yes, Dean you are quite right. This could be the case.” Triumph soared through him like wildfire. He just _knew_ he was right. Sam however remained dubious.

“Dean, a ghoul-pire doesn’t exist. Maybe if you can remember what it’s actually called we can get…”

Dean didn’t remember, but as it turned out, Cas did. “You are looking for a Nachzehrer- I believe it is called. It originated from Germany and is a form of vampire which feeds off the living. Some drink human blood but others ingest the hearts of their victims.” Cas stated every inch the encyclopaedia Dean knew him to be.

“Thanks, Cas. You know how it can be killed?” Sam asked, already looking the term up online.

“I believe a copper coin needs to be placed in its mouth before decapitation.” Cas answered, which was confirmed by Sam’s nod a moment later when he finished reading up on the subject.

“Let’s gank that son of a bitch then.” Dean nearly vibrated with the need to move. He urged for a good fight.

“Dean, I do not want to dampen your enthusiasm, however I would suggest waiting until tomorrow since the full moon is three days away and we do not have any information if it acts alone or if there is a pack we need to destroy.” Cas said apologetically. Disappointment clear in his voice, Dean agreed. Sam busied himself with drawing circles on the map and creating a ratio of where the ghoul-pire could possibly be hiding.

“Look, I’ll have to make sure tomorrow but I think there’s a warehouse not far from the pier where the first victim was found. As far as I can see, it’s the only place a- what was it- Nachzehrer could hide.” Sam looked at Cas for confirmation.

“Do you think there’s more than one?” Dean asked. As much as he was in for a fight, he didn’t want to be unprepared.

“Normally, they do tend to form packs, nonetheless, I highly suspect there will not be more than two here. Otherwise, the killings surely would have occurred much more often.” Sam nodded his approval.

“So, we just sit here and wait for tomorrow to kill those bastards?” Dean said. “If it’s only two, why wait?” He already had his large hunting knife in hand.

“You are forgetting that they are stronger at night and we do not own any copper coins.” Cas said calmly. Dean huffed, annoyed with the fact that Cas was right and they would have to share the bed for another night. Or at least that’s what he told himself.

“Right, but I’m not sitting here twiddle my thumbs until the sun comes up.” he said, grabbing his leather jacket and pointing at the door. “I saw a bar on the way here- come on, let’s have a night out.” Sam and Cas both shared a look that Dean didn’t want to analyse right now, then got up to follow him.

Once seated in the bar, Dean ordered a shot of whiskey for everyone and a beer for himself and Sam. Cas smiled thankfully at him and downed his shot in one go.

“Easy there, Cas. Don’t want you passing out ‘cause you don’t know your limit.” Dean mocked, relieved when he saw that faint scowl on Cas’ face but a smile dancing on his lips too.

“I forget sometimes.” he uttered. A pang of guilt swept through Dean at his words. Cas had sacrificed so much for him. And what had he gotten in return? Nothing.

“Dean-” Sam pulled at the sleeve of his shirt to direct his attention back to the table.

The feeling of guilt was still there.

 

* * *

 

As the night progressed and Dean got drunker the crowd thinned out. Sam and Cas were talking animatedly about one thing or another- he had stopped paying attention once they had started talking about enochian.

When he went up to stumble to the bathroom he caught a glimpse of red hair and instantly turned around. A beautiful girl stood at the bar and leaned so far forward that Dean could just imagine her butt cheeks under the tight skirt she wore.

After finishing in the bathroom, he went up to her, his winning smile on his face and a confident stride in his step. She immediately took notice, charmed by the way he looked at her. The conversation didn’t last long before he headed over to his brother and the ex-angel to announce he was leaving. In his drunken haze he didn’t notice the way Cas’ features closed off and Sam’s eyes darkened.

“Be careful, Dean.” Sam said as he stumbled away. He turned and winked cheekily, not bothering to say goodbye properly.

 

* * *

 

 

_Cas heart had felt tight with hurt when he had watched Dean walk away with the woman. Sam must have noticed because he had reached across the table to pat his shoulder lightly._

_“Cas-“ but Cas didn’t want to hear it. He knew Dean liked women, knew the girl probably meant nothing to Dean, but it hurt nonetheless._

_“May we leave now?” he asked quietly, eyes fixed on the table._

_“Of course.” Sam got up, helped the ex-angel to his feet and they both made for the door. The fresh air made Cas’ head swim and his feet uncoordinated._

_"Come on, Cas.” Sam said and offered his arm to steady him. Cas took it and they wandered off to their motel room._

_“Well, guess you’ll have the bed to yourself then?” Sam tried to lighten the mood when he found Cas staring at the empty space._

_“_ _I suppose.” was his short answer._

_“_ _Cas- he- you know how he is… he doesn’t- it doesn’t mean-“ but Cas simply shook his head and lay down, facing away from Sam._

_“It is quite alright, Sam. Your brother is allowed to enjoy himself. I do not wish him to be unhappy.” Cas murmured softly._

_Sam’s heart clenched at the response. How Dean could be so blind as to not see what he had in Cas. How Dean could prefer the meaninglessness of a one-night-stand instead of Cas who was so obviously in love with him was beyond Sam. And that he didn’t even think twice about being discreet so that Cas wouldn’t get hurt… To Dean’s credit- Sam thought- the man probably didn’t even realise how deep Cas’ feelings for him were. Knowing his brother, he could easily picture him thinking Cas was doing it out of a false sense of gratitude. Maybe he should tell Cas to talk to Dean about it. Maybe if Dean heard it from Cas- but he let the thought go when he realised that Dean would never be able to believe someone loved him._

_Especially not Cas._

 

* * *

 

 

Breakfast was an awkward affair. Dean had come in, reeking of sex, with dishevelled hair and rumpled clothes. Cas had refused to talk to him and had sat with Sam instead, causing Dean to instantly be in a grumpy mood.

“What’s gotten into you, angel? Jealous ‘cause you haven’t gotten any?” he shot at Cas who had paled considerably at the nickname.

Before Sam could do anything to save the situation Cas had stood up and left, keys for their room firmly in his hand.

“Great, Dean- just great.” he sighed, suddenly not in the mood to eat anymore either.

“What? What did I do? He’s the one who’s sulking!” Dean snapped, oblivious as always.

“Maybe next time think about what you wanna say- think hard- and if it’s not appropriate- just don’t say it.” Sam advised, then stood up as well “I’ll check on him for a second.”

He missed the scowl on Dean’s face when he marched up to their room. And while Dean didn’t think anything to be wrong with what he had said, he also didn’t like Sam running after Cas to check on him.

 

* * *

 

 

_“I apologise for running away.” Cas said as soon as Sam entered the room. The ex-angel stood by the window and stared seemingly into nothing._

_“I get it, Cas.” Sam said, compassion vibrating in his voice. “He’s an idiot, you know that.” Cas wanted to protest at having Dean belittled like that but couldn’t bring himself to._

_“I simply do not see how he can-“ he trailed off._

_“How he can do this?” Sam prodded. “Cas, I don’t believe he knows what he’s doing.”_

_Cas looked at him as if he had grown a second head. “He doesn’t know what he is doing? Sam, your brother knows very well what it is he is doing.”_

_“I meant, he doesn’t know it’s hurting you.”_

_Cas head shot up to meet his in the reflection. “He doesn’t know?” Something like disbelief followed up by straight up anger washed over Cas’ face before it became decidedly blank. “Does not know or does not wish to know?” he murmured._

_And Sam wished desperately to tell him otherwise but both of them felt the answer hanging in the air._

_“Give him some time.” Sam said, pleading with the ex-angel because he knew what would happen if Cas was to leave them._

_“How much more time, Sam? I have been waiting for your brother to realise my feelings for him since the moment I set foot in that barn.” he confessed, shame, hurt, anger, hopelessness all visible on his face._

_And Sam couldn’t do anything to reassure him so instead he pleaded in his brother’s stead “Just a bit more time, Cas.”_

_When Cas nodded it felt like a small victory._

 

* * *

 

 

Dean had sat at breakfast, an endless reel of the previous conversation making his head spin. Why had Cas been so upset? He didn’t get it. He’d thought they were fine when he had left them at the bar.

Huh- that’s a thought. Maybe Cas was mad because he had just left on what was supposed to be a guys-night-out. If so, Dean had to make it clear to the angel that it had not been his intention to upset him. Yeah- he’d go right up, tell Cas he was sorry and then they could move on and get the hell out of this shitty motel.

When he opened the door and saw Sam putting a hand on Cas’ shoulder to pull him into a hug, he swiftly turned around to leave. Once outside, he leaned against the wall to breathe. Seeing them so close should make Dean feel good, he should be glad his brother and best friend were getting along great.

Well, it didn’t feel good at all. The nagging feeling in his stomach had returned. The voice in his head had nasty things to say about their newly found bond- and he should have seen it before now- when Sam had stayed with Cas yesterday, when he was the one to comfort the angel, when Cas had told Sam instead of Dean what the matter was. He didn’t like it. No, he didn’t like it in the slightest. In fact, there was nothing more he wanted than to stomp back inside to rip Cas away from Sam, to shove him against a wall and- He came to an abrupt stop when the door of their room opened and Sam and Cas stepped outside.

“Uh, hi Dean- you finished with breakfast already?” Sam said, voice hollow and so obviously aiming for casual. As if he hadn’t just smothered Dean’s angel, as if he hadn’t- Dean needed to breathe. He couldn’t do this right now.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice echoed in the empty hallway when Dean stormed away. Once he reached Baby, he slumped against the driver’s door, needing a moment. While he stood there, he took a second to think about why this upset him so much. And came to the conclusion that this was not the time to dive into his own insecurities and daddy issues and self-loathing. He needed a clear head if they were to go out on a hunt.

“Dean, why didn’t you wait up?” Sam asked, sounding bitchy and annoyed. Dean couldn’t have cared less if he tried.

“Just get in the car, Sam. You too.” he didn’t spare Cas a glance, just gesticulated in his general vicinity, then ripped the door open and threw himself inside. He missed Sam shrugging his shoulders and Cas looking stricken.

“Get IN!” he bellowed and refused to look in his rear-view mirror the whole way to the local curiosity shop.

 

* * *

 

 

Cas had been debating with the owner for fifteen solid minutes before Dean exploded.

“Pay for the damn things, Cas! Right now, or I’ll leave without you!”

Cas flinch was spectacular. Dean hated himself immediately for it. Ever since Cas had fallen, Dean had been careful not to startle the angel too much, knowing full well that Cas felt helpless in his newly acquired human form.

Seeing Cas shy back from him, catapulted him back to a moment where he had stood hovering over the angel, an angel blade in his hand and one second away from attacking. He had somehow controlled himself enough not to kill but had promised Cas not to miss the next time. Now, so much later, Cas’ flinch had made him feel like that again, as if- when push came to shove- Cas was afraid of him.

“Cas…” he said, voice carefully controlled but Cas had already shrugged it off and had moved away to pay for the coins. They walked out to the Impala in silence, Sam already looking worried from within the car. Before Dean could throw the coins in the trunk he felt a hand on his arm, holding him back.

“I understand you are eager to leave this town but I will not have you yell at me again.” Cas said, voice hard and eyes determined. Dean only nodded, not quite sure what to do with that sudden change of attitude. Cas stepped away. Dean realised with a sudden thought this was his moment to make things right, to explain, apologise for his wrongdoings yesterday. He didn’t want Cas to be upset anymore, even if he still didn’t like him cuddling up to Sam.

“Cas- Cas wait-“ he said, grabbing Cas’ arm to stop him from moving. “About yesterday- I-“ he breathed in, tried to win some more time to gather his thoughts.

“Yes?” Cas prompted, his usual patience nowhere to be found.

“I- uh- I wanted to apologise… for, you know? Leaving you and Sammy when we were supposed to be there together.” he stammered, hated himself for doing so and then looked up at Cas when the angel snorted humourlessly.

“You think I was upset because we were supposed to be there together?” Cas asked. Somehow, Dean didn’t feel like answering. “Do you truly not see what the issue is, Dean? Or do you simply prefer to ignore it until it disappears…” It sounded so much like an accusation that Dean reeled back without thinking.

He lashed out “You know what, Cas? I apologised and now you’re what? Accusing me of doing it deliberately? Being an ass? Are you kidding?” Cas’ smile held nothing of its usual warmth.

“I see, Dean.” he said and just climbed inside the car as if they hadn’t been in the middle of a conversation.

 

* * *

 

 

“So guys, get this!” Sam burst into the motel room, map in one hand, coffee in the other. Dean, who had been staring at the roof for about half an hour, debating whether or not to apologise to Cas, shot up and nearly hit his head on the headboard. Cas straightened himself where he sat on the chair, looking up at Sam expectantly.

“I got the location. They’re not in the warehouse but the basement underneath. It’s kinda brilliant actually, when you think about it. Like, even if someone gets in, they won’t find them there, unless they know there’s this secret staircase, which I just found out about while looking for the plans of the building and-“

“Cut to the chase, Sam.” Dean interrupted, not in the mood to listen to his brother rambling about architectural details. Sam, to his credit, did just that and informed them of the basic structure. Cas seemed agitated but didn’t speak up and Dean realised the angel might be nervous.

“You ‘kay there, Cas?” he asked, unsure if he was allowed to worry. Cas didn’t answer which Dean took as an answer in and on its own. Sam coughed twice as if to dissolve the tension, then settled on a plan of attack. Sam and Dean would go in first, Cas would stay as back-up. Even though Cas seemed offended he didn’t protest, in fact, didn’t talk at all on the way over.

It was already late afternoon when they arrived. Dean wasn’t the least bit worried about the sun setting. They had eliminated clans of vampires during night-time, there would not be any hardship with two ghoul-pires. This would be a walk in the park compared to Lucifer and the other feathery bastards running around earth and pretending to be the next Big Bad. On Sam’s signal, they marched in, guns blazing and knifes at the ready.

It lasted a minute max and Dean was already on a high when he stepped outside again. He turned to Sam, who wiped his hand on his jeans to get rid of the gooey mixture of blood and saliva. A smirk on his face he stuck his head out of the door.

Cas made one step towards him, then another, then fell to his knees. One hand pressed against his ribcage, the other clutched his blade against his body tightly.

“CAS!” Dean yelled, his heart suddenly beating twice as fast. He ran so fast even Sam couldn’t hold up. Cas was on the floor, a figure behind him. Dean redoubled his efforts, saw the thing aim at Cas with a blunt object, then heard a sickening crash as it smashed it against Cas’s skull.

Cas fell over like a puppet whose strings were cut, eyes closing immediately.

Dean roared, sprinted forward. He reached the thing in two seconds flat, stabbed it in the stomach and shoved the blade into its neck with so much force its head went flying.

“Wait, Dean! The coin!” Sam yelled behind him but Dean didn’t give a rat’s ass. He didn’t fucking care if that thing was dead or not. Cas wasn’t breathing. Cas was bleeding the fuck out and was not breathing. He dropped to his knees, ripped off his shirt and pressed the fabric so hard against Cas’ ribs he faintly heard one crack. Silent stammers of “No, no, no, no…” stuck in his mouth, his breath coming short, his vision blurring.

“Cas- come on! CAS!” he wanted to punch something, he needed- he couldn’t-

“Move your hand, Dean!” Sam shouted beside him, already back with the first aid kit they kept in the trunk.

“Move!” he bellowed, but Dean couldn’t let go of Cas. Sam shoved his hands away to get to work. Dean sat back on his heels, staring at the unmoving form of his best friend and couldn’t breathe.

Cas couldn’t die. This wasn’t supposed to happen. If Cas died now, because he- because they had said he should stay outside… if Cas didn’t wake up… it was their- it was his fault.

Always his fault…

“D-dean?” a deep voice rumbled suddenly. Cas tried to sit up but was held back by Sam’s firm hands pushing him down. He coughed, the sound horrible in Dean’s ears.

“Sam! Sam you a-are crushing my ribs…” Cas rasped, face contorted in pain.

“W-what happened? I did- did not see anything.” He looked at Dean while Sam stitched the wound on his chest together as best as he could. Dean couldn’t answer. He stood up, ignored Sam’s protest and Cas’ quiet call of his name. He stomped to the Impala, sat down, back against it and stared up at the night sky. Tears burned in his eyes and fell down his cheeks. Cas had almost died. Cas-

 

* * *

 

 

_“Sam, what happened?” Cas asked again sounding honestly confused and not at all like the pain he should be in._

_“There was a third one.” Sam said, voice calm now that Cas was in no immediate danger of dying._

_“Why did he leave?” Cas asked, voice small. Sam hated it._

_“I don’t know, Cas.” he answered, unsure himself what was the matter. Hunting was a dangerous job, Dean **knew t** hat, they’d **lived** that. So, for him to flip out all of a sudden because Cas was hurt didn’t make any sense. _ _This wasn’t the first time Cas- then it all fell into place._

_It hadn’t been the first time Cas had gotten hurt, but it had been the first time since he was human. No wonder had Dean lost it._

_“Cas, I think he- I don’t know-“ he trailed off awkwardly. Suddenly he wasn’t sure if telling Cas was the best way to go about it. This was something Dean would and should have to explain by himself._

_“Can I sit up now?” Cas asked. As soon as he did his face paled and Sam sprang away only a second in time. When Cas was done puking his insides out, he looked at Sam with what can only be described as a sheepish smile._

_“_ _I am truly sorry, Sam. I did not plan for my body to react in that way.” he said and had Sam nearly topple over with relieved laughter. Cas even smiled softly back at him, then took a sharp breath when the movement made his ribs hurt._

_“I think we should make sure that ghoul-thing is really dead and then get you back to the motel to patch you up further. I’m sure Dean will be all over you.” Sam said without thinking and saw Cas shudder._

_“No, I- it’s nothing bad, he just- you know how he gets when someone’s hurt. He’ll want to check you’re alright.” Sam corrected, almost feeling Cas relax. Sam rummaged through the basement to pick up another coin and put it in the mouth of the half-dead Nachzehrer. He made sure Cas was okay to be moved when he put his hands around his midsection and lifted him up from the ground._

_They walked to the car, Cas in Sam’s arms, and Sam thought that Dean would be pleasantly surprised- that he’d come running to take Cas from him as soon as he saw Cas was alright, to bitch a bit that Sam was hurting Cas and that he’d do better._

_It turned out that for the second time in two days, Sam had been wrong._

 

* * *

 

 

Dean’s heart hadn’t stopped racing since he had seen Cas fall.

Now, still leaned against his entrusted car, he felt stupid for not having realised it sooner.

Cas- always Cas. How many times had he gotten mad at the angel for disregarding his personal space bubble? And how many times had he himself thrown that rule right out the window? Taking Cas hunting? Had been the worst idea of his life- and for a man who had nearly said “yes” to Michael among other things, this was saying something.

Cas shouldn’t be hunting, Cas shouldn’t even leave the freaking bunker on his own- or ever- yeah Cas should not leave the bunker. Period.

It was his fault for Cas getting hurt in the first place. Had he talked to him, trained him- like Cas had requested on multiple occasions and which he had declined because he couldn’t concentrate when Cas wore those stupid shorts- and now Cas was hurt. Hurt because Dean couldn’t get his act together. Hurt because Dean had left him alone outside. Hurt because Dean had let him down, hadn’t protected him like he had sworn himself he would. Almost dead because Dean hadn’t made sure Cas was safe.

He couldn’t stomach that. He didn’t even want to. Cas could have died. And what would Dean have done then? If Cas was dead- if he’d die- Dean wouldn’t know how to live with himself. Like with Sammy- and on the other hand not at all like Sammy. This was on Dean- Cas was Dean’s fault.

Cas had fallen, had given up everything for Dean. And now Dean had let him down. Like he had with everyone else. And Cas didn’t deserve that. He deserved to know- to have someone look out for him- care for him like Dean never could have had. There were too many feelings, squashed down so deeply that he couldn’t reach for them now. Cas didn’t want him like that, he shouldn’t want Cas like that either.

But he did.

 _God,_ he did.

And the realisation threw him for a moment. Because Cas was a _dude_ and this was _wrong_ and he _shouldn’t_ \- shouldn’t- shoul-

“Dean?” Cas voice rang loudly beside his ear. He hadn’t seen him coming, hadn’t see him sit down next to Dean, one arm still pressed against his side.

“Dean, are you alright?” Cas asked, sounding as if he’d been doing that for the last hour.

“Cas…” Dean croaked out, fingers searching for Cas to make sure he was real.

“I am here, Dean.” Cas answered, carefully touching Dean’s shoulder as if he was the one injured. Dean laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. Here was this man, this angel who had been hurt and who was now making sure _Dean_ was alright. “How are ya’, Cas?” Dean asked, voice wobbly.

Cas smiled softly and said “I am fine, Dean. Sam made sure to stitch the wound.” Dean recoiled a bit at that, scowled. It should have been him, not Sam, to help Cas. But it hadn’t been because he had chosen to run away like a scared kid.

“Cas I-“ but Cas shushed him. It was the last straw. Dean had wanted to apologise, to tell Cas everything he hadn’t dared to even think about for the past ten years but instead he smashed his lips against the angel’s with so much force he nearly made Cas fall back. When he realised what he was doing he moved away.

Still, having to make sure he said “Don’t do this to me, Cas…” A look of understanding crossed Cas’ face.

“Of course, Dean.” he agreed, a smile on his lips. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. If there are any suggestions please feel free to let me know in the comments. I really tried to do these characters justice and I truly appreciate every reader. 
> 
> I would love for you to leave kudos if you liked it.
> 
> On a side note: If any of you are looking for someone to beta your work, I would love to hear from you.


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